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Putin dies and he obviously goes to hell, but he earns a day off for his bad behavior. So he goes to Moscow, he enters in the secret bar of Kremlin, he orders a drink, and he asks the bartender:

Is Crimea ours?
Yes, it is.
And the Donbas?
Also ours.
And Kiev?
We got it, too.

Happy, Putin asks, "How much do I owe you?"

"Five dollars."

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